I want to be with Chris all the time, and I want to be away from him and work too. How can that work? I went into a fabric store and found cute stuff and now I want to make things for him. But I don't know how. I don't even want to clean up the house, so would I really make clothes? I signed up to substitute teach, and the year is starting soon. Soccer should start in a week or 2 as well. I'm trying to get Chris away from a morning nap, but today he's got a little cold, so I put him down around 8:45 and he's still asleep (10:20). Now I'm bored. And the messy house in front of me is not appealing.
I didn't take the job. It would've meant 10 hrs of driving for 10 hrs of teaching. It didn't seem like a good balance. But now I'm going crazy trying to figure out what to do. I really want to do something! I signed up to sub in Hopedale, but the year hasn't started yet and I'm getting anxious. I went in today to see if there was anything I could do part time (job or volunteer). There are no jobs, and the principal wrote down my name to volunteer. He wrote it on a scrap of paper and put it to the side, which means I'm doubtful anything will come of it. So I emailed the teacher I still know there to see if she hears of anything for me. Subbing will be all well and good, but it's not my favorite. Maybe if I sub regularly I'll get to know the students and it'll be different than it would've been in Oakland. Maybe I should transfer my credential over now, just in case. I think I just have to take a test.
The eternal question seems to be if I should work and what to do. So now I'm presented with the perfect job for me, but it's an hour+ commute. I'd teach 1 2-hr block of history/English to 18 students, and get paid fairly well for it. I was so excited about it until the reality of 10 hrs commuting every week started to sink in. I don't want to be away from Chris so long, and I'd be committing through June. Now I'm starting to have second thoughts. I really want to do it, but I also want to be here. It's a lot of time away from Chris for 2 hrs of work. I could work full time in Hopedale in a similar amount of time. Of course this school is a similar population to Frick, and I know I'd love it there. I just don't think I can handle committing to being away that much and driving hrs each day to get there. I have a meeting with them this afternoon, so I'm going to have to figure things out in the next few hours. If I'm not going to take it, I want to tell them ASAP since school starts next week.
Chris took his first steps Friday night right before bed.
We had a busy day Thursday with Erin and Nathan (her nephew) visiting. Went to the Museum of Science and then to the North End for dinner. Chris didn't sleep all night. We attributed it to being overwhelmed by the day. Friday we went to the Basketball Hall of Fame (more dragging the baby around to fit the guests schedule). He held out better than I did with the lack of sleep. By evening he had gotten pretty cranky. Right around 7 John put him down, standing up, and he just started walking. He took as many as 8 or 10 steps across the living room floor. Then he went to sleep and slept beautifully.
Saturday we got up and went into Boston to walk the Freedom Trail, then home to go canoeing (John got his official welcome to Small Town America with his picture in the Sunday Milford Daily News in the canoe!). Yesterday we tried to relax, but I was still exhausted from all the tourist stuff. I brought them to the airport at 5:00 this morning, and then came home and took a 3 hr nap. Hopefully that'll help.
So I've decided I need to practice making an egg-free birthday cake for Chris. I started today. I made carrot cake muffins, with applesauce instead of eggs. We'll see how it turns out... The batter tasted good, and without eggs, there's no reason not to eat it raw!
I'm going to make a pledge to buy less stuff. There's no good reason for me to buy so much stuff, except that I like to. We need to pay more attention money, it's bad for the environment to produce more stuff, and Chris has plenty already - if I buy more I'm just spoiling him. Besides, his birthday is only a few months away and he'll get stuff then. I mainly buy too much for Chris. Partly because if he's entertained then my life is easier. Partly because I want him to play with the stuff. Doesn't seem like a good plan. So less stuff it is! Of course one thing I need to do today is exchange stuff at Kohl's, and I have to go grocery shopping, but food hardly counts.
I think staying home with Chris is getting easier. I still am hoping to start enjoying myself. I spent the morning at the zoo with Jenny, Abby and the babies. How much more could I want? It was definitely fun, but then I dread how long the rest of the day will be when I get home. Chris seems to have functioned (so far) today on one long nap. That would definitely make things easier. He napped for 30 mins in the car this morning, and has now been asleep for 2 hrs for his afternoon nap. It'd be great if I didn't have to plan around 2 naps every day to avoid cranky baby.
I'm trying to plan a housewarming party, but I don't want it to get too close to Chris's first b-day party, so it'll have to be soon. Maybe Labor Day BBQ? I have to admit it occurred to me today to start practicing making cakes without eggs so whatever I make for Chris's birthday will be good. You never know what to expect with all the substitutions.
Speaking of substitutes, I spoke with HHS about subbing last week. I think it'd be nice to sub a couple times a week. Right now I don't think being solely responsible for baby and house during the day is what is getting to me. I think it's the idea of no larger goal or job that I'm working on. I'm certainly not bored, but I really liked my job, so it's difficult to give it up.
We're meeting my mom at the Y at 4, so hopefully Chris will wake up in time for that!