Friday, February 29, 2008

6 degrees

Not of Separation. Just 6 degrees.

I've been up for a little bit, drinking my coffee, hoping Chris will sleep in because he didn't sleep well last night. I just opened the downstairs bathroom and it's 31 degrees in there. That always worries me, since I wouldn't want the pipes to freeze. So I left the door open to the kitchen, and realized it's only 61 in the entire house. Strange, since the heat's been on 68 for half an hour now. Then I checked the outside thermometer. 6 degrees. Well, 5.9 actually. I'm DONE with winter. Today's the last day of February (which is unfairly an extra day long this year). I'm so sick of it.

I'm trying to figure out if my current confusion about working/staying home is related to the weather. Or at least how related it is to the weather. We have a music class today at 11 (make up from the one we missed in Houston). I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do until 11. It's too late for us to just sit around the house until then. But it's too early to do anything big first. If it weren't 6 degrees out, maybe we could go for a walk. But I guess that's out of the question.

Okay, Chris just woke up with a screech. That can't be a good sign for his mood today. Maybe he'll go back to sleep? Doubtful. See, a walk would fix everything. Tired toddler? Put him in the stroller. Lazy mom? Get some exercise. Bored? Go for a walk. I remember back in October being really excited that I got to get up every day and take a leisurely walk with my son. I'm sure I'd miss that if I were working. Of course right now I'm not working, and I still am missing it.

I'm done with winter.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Renaming Grammy

Chris can't yet make the sounds ga and ka (anything formed in the back of his throat really). So Grammy has been pretty upset that he doesn't call her anything. The other day she asked him if he would rather call her "Nona" and now he won't stop saying "Nona."

Me: "Chris, what's Grammy's name?"
Chris: "Nona"
Grammy: "Yay!!!"

Me: "Chris, what's the dog's name?"
Chris: "Nona"



I feel like I need a purpose. Which is strange since you'd think I have one. My purpose is to take care of my family, which for any sane person should be enough. But to me, a purpose has to involve more than yourself, and somehow my family is an extension of myself. I want to have some larger purpose in the world where I'm working toward making the world a better place for people. Taking care of my son, cooking, cleaning, and occassionally changing cabinet handles doesn't cut it. Not to mention half the time those things don't even happen. I blame my lack of energy on being pregnant, but last time I was pregnant I managed to teach 160 8th graders in the inner city every day, and had enough energy left to take a field trip with them across the country. Yes, I was tired. But I can't help but wonder how much of my "tiredness" has to do with lack of purpose.

Monday, February 25, 2008

A better day

Today we kept busy, and Chris was in a good mood. I'm exhausted, and was tired most of the day, but at least we got some things accomplished, which feels better. We bought and installed new handles on the kitchen cabinets. I hate the ones we had, and it's been bugging me since we moved in. I went to Lowe's and, low and behold, they cost $.97 each. So for $10, I replaced all of them. Of course it wasn't that easy - the bolts were too small and I had to go to ACE to get new nuts and bolts. They cost another $5. They didn't have black ones, only silver, so we need to paint them. John and Chris just went back to ACE to exchange a few bolts that were still too short (the drawers needed extra long ones) and to buy some black paint to paint the bolt heads. Anyway, it's almost done, and, with any luck, we'll finish it up tonight. It feels good to at least get something accomplished during the day. And I cooked dinner too. Woohoo! Maybe I can start to feel like improving the house is my job? Will that help?

I kind of decided last night that I don't really have any good options with jobs. I can't really take a job 6 months pregnant. So the alternative is to set a job now to teach in the fall. But then I'll have a 10 week old baby when it's time to return to a new job full time. I'm just not sure I'm going to want to do that. So I think I'm probably best off staying out of the job market for now. During next year I'll need to get my credential in order and make some decisions, and possibly I'll try to go back to work the following September. At that point Chris will be almost 3 and ready for preschool, and baby 2 will be 14 months. At least by this time next year I should have a better idea of how I'll feel about returning to work. I really want to work right now, and I think it may be better for both me and Chris (and John by extension), but I'm afraid I won't want to leave such a little guy - 10 weeks is younger than I went back to Frick part time.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Confusion Revisited

Once again, I'm stuck about whether or not to work. I really think I'd be happier working, but I really think it's important for kids to grow up with their parents around. Luckily for me, it's not really a financial choice, since we structured our life around living on less money. But because of that, I feel like I'm making a direct choice between my own passions and my children's futures. So much fun. I keep thinking about part time jobs, but I really do think I'd prefer to be teaching. Of course teaching (the way I do it at least), is a time consuming, demanding, draining full time job plus. In my first year in a position, I'd have to develop my curriculum and management plan for that school, plus plan lessons, grade papers, learn the ropes of the school, etc. I really think I'd be working 7-5 most days, maybe get out at 4, and then have some work to do on weekends. That's just a lot of time, and when would I get to be with my kids? But when I'm home all day with Chris, I want to pull my hair out. I think if I worked, I'd enjoy him more. Really, I'd like to work afternoons, but I don't see how that could happen. Certainly not teaching.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Organics Revisited

We just realized we're getting a tax refund and were thinking about using some of it for something fun that we wouldn't otherwise do. Maybe a vacation before the new baby, a new TV?, camera?, phone? Meanwhile, Chris keep getting rashes after everything he eats. It's been going on since we got back from Houston Sunday, and we don't know what to make of it. Moiturizer seems to make it go away, but it's strange.

So the current thought - put the $$ in savings, have it transfer automatically each month into checking enough money to make up the difference between shopping at Market Basket/Shaws and Whole Foods/Trader Joe's. I'm thinking a year's worth of organic, fresh, healthy food is as good a splurge as I'll come up with.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Mana mana

Da da da da da - Manamana - da da da da

Chris is absolutely obsessed with the old muppets short "Mana mana." Thank goodness for youtube. The kid won't watch TV, but mana mana rules all.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Chris's first Spanish

Chris has been walking around the house waving his index fingers and saying "dedo" all week. If you say "where's your dedo?" or "?donde esta tu dedo?" he shows you his finger. Meanwhile, I'm not sure he knows the word finger. It's pretty funny since neither of us is fluent in anything other than English.

He's been going to music class, and one of his favorite songs is "Don Alfredo Baila." It say "Don Alfredo baila, baila con el dedo..." and in class, everyone waves their fingers. Of course it repeats a lot, like any good kids' song. So now he knows the Spanish word before the English. We love it.

Speaking of music class, Chris LOVES it. He wants to listen to the music and dance ALL the time. He brings us the TV remote and says "more" and dances (we play music through the DVD player and the TV has to be on). He doesn't want to watch TV, but he wants music. I must've listened to one CD 20 times yesterday, and as soon as it ends, he runs from whereever he is in the house saying "more more more more." He's learning the words, dances, rhythms, etc.